The crowd screamed for an encore. A tall, long-haired man came on stage. As the crowds of teenagers were screaming, the man said, "We are none; we are not one; we are gone." He waved to the audience, and then he was gone. The man was named Irving Preston Norris. He was president of the International Philosophy Network or I.P.N. He had a New York headquarters with 500 employees and 25 branch offices all over the world. Irv, as his friends call him, owns a yacht, two Rolls-Royces, and a private jet.
One day he entered his New York office of I.P.N. His secretary greeted him by saying, "Good morning, Mr. Norris. How are you this fine morning?" "Fine, thank you, Miss...uh...uh..." "Miss White", said the secretary. "Ah yes, Miss White. Here is fifty dollars. Go buy yourself a cup of coffee," said Irv. "You are too kind", said the secretary.
Irv opened the door marked "Private", and he locked the door. His hand reached to his hair, and he pulled it off. He exposed a crewcut. He picked up his phone, and he called the I.P.N. office in London. Norris said, "I thought you had booked me for the 22nd. I need this lecture. I have to sell my new record, 'I once belonged to the John Birch Society and other Speeches'. If I don't, I'll fall into a deep hole, financially." The voice on the other end said, "Okay, okay, I'll get that lecture even if it kills me." Norris hung up the phone, and he checked his agenda. He thought to himself, "Well, I see that I have a lecture at Harvard tomorrow." He called his secretary, and he said, "Come in here! We have to talk about the trip to Boston tomorrow." His secretary came in the door and said, "Yes sir, what did you have in mind"? He said, "At 10:00 tomorrow I want my jet at the airport to fly me to Boston. At the Boston airport I want a car to drive me to Harvard. If the plane is not ready at 10:00, I'll hold you personally responsible." "Yes sir," replied the secretary.
On Wednesday morning at 10:00 Irving Norris was in the air on his way to Boston. When he arrived at Boston in his long hair, a group of reporters started asking him questions. He said to the reporters, "Be none and do one." One reporter asked him, "What does it mean?" Norris answered by saying, "Philosophy must be interpreted by the listener, and not by the philosopher." He went into the crowded airport terminal, and he walked out to the parking lot. His Rolls-Royce and his driver were waiting to pick him up. When he got in the car, he told the driver, "Take me to Harvard!"
When they got there, he was greeted by the president of the school. The president was a bald, short, and fat man. He wore a gray suit. He said, "Mr. Norris, Harvard welcomes you." Norris said, "Let's get started. I've got other things to attend to." Norris and the president arrived at the auditorium, and they walked in. The president went on stage and said, "Here he is. The world's greatest philosopher, Irving Preston Norris!" When the students saw Norris, who was wearing a striped, satin jump-suit, they started to clap, and they gave him a standing ovation. The students were quieted down, and Norris started his speech on Philosophy.
His speech consisted of many, sometimes short, phrases, sentences, and poems on Philosophy. He started, "Lose the world and win yourself. Do for you and not for them. Do what you feel, not that which is real, you are you, and it is all for you to do. We are what we are and not what others see. Why were we the ones who lived for none? What we do and what we say is okay. Why are we dead, are we read like a book? The world could live, but no, we die. We live and die, and you don't care. We could be alive, if we were not dead. We are nothing, we are gone." The crowd cheered, screamed, and clapped. That was the greatest thing that they had heard. Irv Norris left the stage and the president shook his hand. The president said, "That was the best thing that has ever happened to this school. Thank you very much for coming." Norris walked out of the auditorium, and the president called to him. He said, "Wait, Mr. Norris! I have something for you. Here is ten thousand dollars for coming here today." Norris said, "Thank you, Mr. President. Remember, the true man is the generous man." As he was approaching his car, Norris was brushed by a fleeting student. As the student knocked against him, the long-haired wig fell off. The president and the students were shocked. The students yelled, "FAKE, FAKE, FAKE!" Norris jumped into his car, and it sped away.
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