Thursday, December 5, 2013

Captain Soul or Captain Sole, 1971

 The sun was shining over the rolling hills of the Ozarks.  A feud was occurring between the Davises and the Palmers.  Bully Davis was shooting it out with Artie Palmer.  It was a fair match except for Bully Davis being a real bull.  Artie Palmer shot twice, but the bull kept coming toward him.  Suddenly, a puff of smoke was covering the bull.  With a popping sound, the bull changed into a dumb-looking boy.  Artie Palmer fainted, followed by a heart attack.  He died.  The feud was over.  Bully Davis laughed.  It always worked, because the Davises never lost a feud.
 This was the work of the evil hillbilly scientist, Jed Hickman.  He had perfected the method to change the chemistry of the body into an entirely new thing.  Bully Davis came into the old laboratory of Dr. Hickman and said, "Golly, surprise, surprise, Surprise!  I just finished off our last neighbor."  Dr. Hickman said, "I've got a new job for you, Bully.  I want you to become Captain Sole and take over the world."  "But Dr. Hickman", said Bully, "Captain Soul is black!"  Dr. Hickman said, "So what?  Just fake it."
 At that same time, Captain Soul was taking a bath.  He was getting all clean for the Superheroes Dance.  He was going with Martha Hairi, a retired spy.  While he was dressing in his pink tights, a looming figure appeared on the scene.  It was Bully Davis, otherwise known as Captain Sole.  Bully gave Captain Soul a fist in the stomach.  Unfortunately, Captain Soul was not wearing his fist-proof stomach, so evidently it hurt.  He crumpled under the pain.  Bully Davis saw the invitation to the dance, and with his "quick" mind, he figured out that Captain Soul would be going to the dance.  He put on the pink tights, the fist-proof stomach, and the karate-proof neck.  Then he went to the dance, which was being held in the mailroom of S.O.U.L. headquarters.  He didn't know to pick  Martha Hairi up, so she was very mad when she finally got to the dance.  When she saw Captain Sole, she said, "Why, you're not Captain Soul!  Captain Soul is black."  "Maybe not", said Bully, "But I try to fake it."
 Samson was supposed to be picked up by Captain Soul so he could go to the dance, too.  When Captain Soul didn't come, Samson got worried.  He flew over to Captain Soul's house, in the superhero district of town.  When Samson arrived at the house, he could tell that there was a struggle, because the door was off its hinges.  He picked Captain Soul up from the bedroom floor.  Captain Soul said that he had been hit from behind by an oversized, dumb-looking figure.  His suit was missing, so he figured out that the impostor was at the dance.
 Martha Hairi didn't know what to do.  When she and Bully Davis tried to dance, he would step on her feet.  He was very clumsy.  Fortunately, Captain Soul had another pink suit.  Captain Soul burst into the mailroom and seized Bully Davis.  Everyone gasped when they realized that there were two superheroes in pink tights.  No one, except for Martha Hairi, realized that one was black, Captain Soul, and one was white, Captain Sole.  With all his super strength, Captain Soul hit Bull Davis and asked him who was behind all this.  Bully Davis said, "It's Ted Hickman."
 So, Captain Soul and Samson the Chicken took off for the Ozarks to get Jed Hickman.  They seized Jed Hickman and took him to jail.  At Z's office, Captain Soul filed his report.  Z said, "Well, we won't have to worry about Jed Hickman anymore."  "No", said Captain Soul, "And Captain Sole was such a heel."

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