Saturday, December 7, 2013

Captain Soul Goes to the Moon, 1971

 Samson was sick.  He had chicken pox.  Captain Soul was chasing the W.R.O.N.G. agent, Farley Marrow.  They were on foot in Burma.  They had gone through Thailand and Cambodia and were starting to get tired.  Farley Marrow's mission was to plant the W.R.O.N.G. flag on the moon.  Captain Soul was trying to head him off by going around the world by the other way.  Farley Marrow arrived at the Cape Cleveland launching site.  He had three minutes to get into the rocket.  Captain Soul chased him into the rocket.  Captain Soul couldn't get off in time.  The rocket took off.  The gravitational pull was so great that Farley Marrow and Captain Soul were pulled together.  It took two days to reach the moon.  The question was, "What was going to happen when they reached the moon?"  The rocket made a soft landing on the moon, but it hit a rock and turned over on its side.  Farley Marrow ran outside wearing an oxygen helmet and carrying the W.R.O.N.G. flag to plant on the moon.  Captain Soul ran after him.  Captain Soul didn't have an oxygen helmet, but everyone knows that blacks don't need oxygen to survive.  He had just gotten out of the rocket, when he was attacked by the moon people, which numbered 43.  They were armed with moonbeams, moon rocks, and moonshine.  Farley Marrow had been captured by the moon people, who called themselves the Spiroes.  They lived in an underground land known as "Chicken Soup and Barley Corn" of the moon.  Most of the Spiroes were nice people, but they attacked almost everything.
 Meanwhile, back at home, Z was informed by Cape Cleveland and the Walla Walla Space Center that the rocket could not return to Earth.  Z wasn't too surprised, because deep down inside, he didn't like Captain Soul.  Samson the Chicken was told this, and he went into hysterics.  (If you are ever around a chicken that goes into hysterics, especially a 7'3" chicken, then you better watch out.)  Samson started to prepare funeral arrangements for Captain Soul.  He wrote the inscription for the tombstone:
 Captain Soul
(alias Joe Brown)
b. 1936    d. 1971
He is not here--
He is on the moon--
Everyone sheds many tears--
Girls swoon.
 Farley Marrow was trying to explain to the Spiroes that he was with W.R.O.N.G.  Fortunately, the Spiroes could speak English, like all the space freaks can on T.V.  They understood, but they realized that Captain Soul was good, and Farley Marrow was evil.  They imprisoned Farley Marrow and let Captain Soul go.  Unfortunately, Captain Soul didn't have a way back to Earth.
 Samson the Chicken had an idea to get Captain Soul back.  He inhaled all the air that he possibly could.  The moon was pulled toward the Earth until it was 28,000 feet from the surface of the Earth.  The Air Force sent a plane up to the moon and got Captain Soul.  Then Samson blew the moon back into its orbit.  Everything was alright, except for Farley Marrow.  His sentence was to listen to the Spiroes' rhetoric for ever.

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