It was a hot, humid day. A man came out of a building. The sign on the building said, "Da-Da, Ma-Ma Laboratory". He was a short, fat man with glasses. Another man, tall and thin, met the short, fat man. The tall man said, "Oh, hello Dr. Tot." The short, fat man said, "Hello Professor Fraud. I've just completed a new invention." "What is it, Dr. Tot", said Fraud. "You'll see", said Tot.
At that same moment, a looming figure was appearing on the horizon in Des Moines, Iowa. A man saw it and said, "It's, it's a baby!" The baby tripped over a car and fell across the street from the man. The baby was 50 ft. high and weighed one-ton. As it fell, it gripped the side of a department store, and the store crumbled under the weight. Fortunately, the man that saw it worked for S.O.U.L. (Superheroes of Universal Love). He ran to a nearby phone booth, and he called S.O.U.L. The phone rang twice at S.O.U.L. headquarters, and the secretary, Miss Tenderness, answered the phone. He told her, "I have to talk to Z right away!" She said, "Okay, I'll ring him." The man said, "Z? There's a one-ton baby outside this phone booth." Z said, "Now, calm down, we'll send someone right away. By the way, did you say one-ton?" The man said, "Yes." Z said, "Are you sure that he isn't big for his age?" "I'm sure!", said the man.
Z asked Miss Tenderness, "Who is available for a job?" She said, "Well, let's see. There's Charlie Chanese, James Bonded, Matt Helmet, Derek Flintlock, Captain Nice, Super Turkey, and Captain Soul." "There's no doubt about it", said Z. "Who is it this time?", said the secretary. "It will have to be--CAPTAIN SOUL!", said Z.
Captain Soul, whose real name is Joe Brown, was born in Colton County, Georgia on July 26, 1936. He was black. His height was 6'4", and he weighed 176 lbs. He had a sidekick named Samson the Chicken. Samson was born on a chicken farm in North Alabama on November 19, 1903. His height was 7'3", and he weighed 300 lbs. They reported to Z as soon as they got word that they were needed.
Z welcomed them in his office by saying, "Good Morning boys, er..., er..., boy and chicken. Sit down please." Z pressed a button and a movie screen appeared from the roof. Z said, "This movie is about your assignment." He started the projector and said, "These pictures are of Dr. Tot, the most infamous man in all the world. He has perfected a machine, that produces one-ton babies. His friend and trusted cohort is Professor Fraud. The professor creates the brain, while the doctor produces the body. Your job, if you accept, will be to find the laboratory and destroy it. By the way, if you don't accept it, then you will be looking for another job." "Okay, we'll do it", said Captain Soul. "And remember" said Z, "You'll be doing it in the name of Love." "Right on", said Captain Soul. Captain Soul and Samson said their goodbyes, and they went to the roof of S.O.U.L. headquarters to take off. Unfortunately, Captain Soul couldn't fly, so he got on the top of Samson, and they were off. They were flying over the laboratory of Dr. Tot, when Captain Soul said, "Hey Samson, baby, there's Tot's lab". Samson took Captain Soul down so they could land on the roof. Unfortunately, the enormous weight of Samson caved in the roof. They fell through and landed on top of one of Dr. Tot's babies. Dr. Tot said, "We were expecting you." Captain Soul said, "Dr. Tot, you are under arrest." Tot said, "First, you must stop my babies!" Captain Soul said, "Okay Samson, do your stuff." Samson took in a deep breath and then blew it out, blowing away all of the one-ton babies. Captain Soul then took Dr. Tot into custody. At this time, Professor Fraud came in and he said, "What's happening?" Dr. Tot said, "Captain Soul has just arrested me." Captain Soul said, "Who are you?" Prof. Fraud said, "I'm just a friend." Captain Soul said, "Well, friends are arrested, too". So, Samson, Captain Soul, Dr. Tot, and Prof. Fraud returned to the headquarters of S.O.U.L. Captain Soul turned Dr. Tot and Prof. Fraud over to Z. Z put them in prison. So now, if you hear things go bump in the night, you'll know that it isn't a one-ton baby, but it could very well be Samson falling through your roof.
IMPORTANT!!
It is basic to realize that the aurora of Captain Soul comes from everything and everybody. No one is being laughed at, no race is being snickered at, and no one is saying anything bad about chickens. The preceding comment must be realized before action could be taken against the author. Thank you.
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