Conscience, 1975

And the judge said guilty
 in the first degree, and
  my attorney asked for mercy,
   and the D.A. clamored for death.

And they cited my wrongs
 and he threw the book at
  me and sent me to
   solitary forever and ever.

And I said that I would
 do anything but that, and
  he said that it was too late,
   that I should have done it before.

And the jury cried "Guilty"!
And the crowd cried "Guilty"!
And the judge cried "Guilty"!
And I cried.

Conflicts, 1972

I find myself in different worlds,
One of good and one of bad,
I see myself in conflicts,
Insurmountable in today's society.

I have written poetry for ten years now,
As therapy for my different worlds,
But only time will tell if it has worked,
Because my conflicts still exist.

Within your self,
There is a different self,
You can't be truthful to everybody,
So there lies your conflict.

The poetry, I write, is mostly about me,
And some of it is about other people,
But if you read it,
You will see that I have a long way to go.
                          OH
I have a long way to go...

A Confession brought to you by and for the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval, 1973

 Whenever I try to say something, I can't, so I fantasize instead.  Whenever I go into a fantasy state, I am happy, but reality makes me sad.  That is why the word--depression--is in my vocabulary.  Everything I do, except speech related fields, fails.  Why is this?  The problem lies with the person.  It's a sad thing when I have to cut myself down, but that's about the size of it.  Some people say that I'm worth something, but it's hard for me to believe that.  I feel love, but it's like a little child wanting some candy that is too high up for him to reach.  I feel like I want to belong, but people are cruel sometimes.  I feel a sense of friendship, but most of the people I know are not friends.  When will it stop?  It won't stop until someone realizes that inside this hard wall that is called my body, there is a shy, sensitive person screaming, "Hey, I'm here.  Look at me.  I'm a person.  I create things.  I love nature.  I love people.  Won't you love me?"  If someone hears me, I won't be depressed any longer.

Conceded, 1973

To say hello,
 but never see you.
To say I'm sorry,
 but never did anything.
To say I love you,
 but never giving.
To say you
 but always saying I.

Complicated

You come and go back
 and forth, up and
  down, right and
   left creating
    a problem
     of immense
      size.

But for why?
Why was it
made to be
a unfamiliar
bit of reality?

Could it be
that I'm
a Southern
gentleman
or
just
a
born
loser?

Either
way,
I
wish
it
weren't
so.

A Companion Poem to Something Else

There has not been a poem
 called "Something Else",
  by the time that I'm
   writing this.

So why use the title?

Because I could have
 said something else
  but too many people
   wouldn't understand.

To get back to the poem.

If I were to say that
 peace was coming today,
  I would be called a
   lunatic and weird.

But peace has come
 because anyone that has
  love has found
   their peace.

Commercials, 1974

He's honest
He's truthful
He's loving
He's a friend
He's natural
He's American
He's got bad breath
He's got body odor
He's got T. V.
He's got you.

Commentary on Getting a Job

It's not what you know;
It's WHO you know.
That's a sad commentary on our
 society.

You could be qualified
 but have long hair, and the
  answer is always no.

You have to be strikingly
 beautiful,
Or know the company president.

You can't be ugly or they'll
 say nope.

Why can't you get a job,
 because you're willing and able,
and not because your boss-to-be
 is also your family's closest friend.

You can't achieve, like me,
Unless you passed the test
Of beauty and power.

I have a long way to go.

A Comment on Me, 1973

 People say, "Hey, that's good".  What are they talking about?  My poetry.  Much can be said about my poetry, both good and bad, but all I can say is that I write for the common man instead of the intellectual.  Even though some of my poems are highly symbolic, they are written with the commoner in mind.  So, don't try to analyze it, just enjoy it.

Comment, 1970

 For some people, poetry means something related to old love poems, but poetry is an expression of feelings that one has during a particular time.  Anyone can write poetry.  If anyone has experienced any type of emotion, then that feeling is poetic.  So, why is poetry related to love?  Because love is the most emotional reaction there is.

Coming Back, 1974

And there she was--
 Brown eyes and all,
  Staring me in the face
   While I was trying to work.

She said with her eyes--
 "I know you", but I
  Seemed cold, and I was
   Too shocked to speak.

She is wondering,
 I am wishing,
  I wish that she
   Would wonder about being back.

Come On Down (part 2), 1977

Keep          It's silly to say again, because
                    life goes on without the past, but
                     I'm seeing my life repeat itself
                      from the past to now to the past.

Making      Come on down to my level of life,
                     Come on down with me,
                       Come on down and see where I am,
                         Where am I, do you know?

Simple        I tried one time to be cool,
                     and then I tried to be love,
                      and then I tried to be cooler,
                       and then it was as a lover.

Moves         Then, I repeated myself one more
                      time and was shot down one more
                       time, so come on down where I
                        might be, have you found it, yet?

Initials mean nothing, so
I guess experience is what matters.

Come On Down, 1972

Come on down
                         down
                                  down to my level of life,
                    Help me
                         Help me
          I am very sick.

My mind is splitting
                        with nowhere to go,
       I am all indecision
                          and I can't be stopped.

PARANOIA, SCHIZOID, WHAT ELSE IS LEFT?
                   MY MIND IS GONE SO
                                     COME
                                                ON
                                                      DOWN
                                                                  WITH
                                                                            ME.

Come Home, 1970

I thought I would never see you again,
The thought of losing you brought pain,
I thought you would be in an accident,
I said, "I've got to be intelligent".

I had a feeling after I saw you for the last time,
My feelings were not worth a dime,
I felt so sick after I saw you last,
I had to hurry home, fast.

"Keep the faith", one of them told me,
My heart was not filled with glee,
I'm glad that you're back,
I feel so slack.

A Cocktail Party, 1974

It's so hard to know
what there is to know
and not be able to know
what it is that I have to know,
you know?

Now, I don't know.
I'm yes.

Oh, glad to meet you, yes.
I am no.
Yes, I know.
You know?
No, I'm yes!

Confused, perhaps
bewildered, I go,
without knowing who
that strange person
was.  Do you know yes?

Clouds, 1973

Look at me,
 Flying in the sky,
  Wishing life were
   as beautiful as clouds.

Look at she,
 Laughing at the sky,
  And I wish she
   weren't as beautiful
    as the clouds.

Peace!

The City, 1968

Trucks and cars,
Taverns and bars,
Stores and streets,
Beggars standing on their feet.

Everyday is a hectic day,
Some people are sad--some are gay,
Sirens are loud,
You see a crowd,
There has been a wreck,
Oh what the heck.

The city is a nasty place,
Cars moving at a fast pace,
Why weren't towns as fast
As the cars, who were invented by a man,
Who knows of the last, he says,
"Why not an electric fan?"

Circling Around, 1972

The sun rises every day
 Somewhere on this planet,
While war goes on.

The birds sing
 Somewhere in a tree,
While pollution goes on.

The children play
 Somewhere in a street,
While this planet dies.

While, While, after While,
And the world keeps spinning around,
And around, and around,
 And Around.

Where will it end,
 My friend?

Christmas Song

I want a bicycle for Christmas,
A red one and built for speed,
I want a bicycle for Christmas,
And that's all I want for me.

I want a car for Christmas,
A red one with four on the floor,
I want a car for Christmas,
And I can't think of anything more.

I want a kitten for Christmas,
A little one who'll love me,
I want a kitten for Christmas,
If not, how about a puppy?

I want world peace for Christmas,
I don't want anyone to fight,
I want world peace for Christmas,
It's not too far from sight.

I want a train set for Christmas,
One that blows smoke and lots of track,
I want a train set for Christmas,
It it's not good, take it back.

And, Mommy and Daddy,
If you can't get that stuff,
Then all I want is you,
And that's enough.

I want a bicycle for Christmas,
A red one and built for speed,
(fade)

Chapter 1, 1974

 A small man, with a deformed left hand, entered Harvey's Restaurant on 42nd Street in New York.  He was clearly Jewish.  His eyes were fixed on another man, sitting in the corner of the restaurant.  Whether the customer knew the dwarf was merely speculation, but he became very self-conscious that this little man was staring at him.
 The maître 'd asked the man, "Do you care to be seated?"
 The man just looked ahead at the man in the corner, as if he hadn't heard.
 "If you don't want to be seated, then I'll have to ask you to leave.", the maître 'd said.
 The small man started walking toward the man in the corner, his eyes fixed on his target.  Slowly, he reached into his pocket and continued his stare.  His face remained emotionless.  He reached the man's table.
 The man, dressed rather well, looked up from his plate of veal, and asked, "Did you want something?"
 With one swift motion, the man pulled a knife out of his pocket and slit the throat of the man.  A couple sitting at the table next to the victim watched in horror.  A woman screamed.  A waiter dropped his tray.  The man put the knife to his own throat, and with one move, ended all hope of finding out why.  Two men dead in a restaurant, and no one eating lunch.
 Three thousand miles away and three hours earlier, the first call for Flight 402 bound for Hawaii was given by a nice-sounding girl over the public address system.  Every day, hundreds of senior citizens and newlyweds crowded into planes, heading for Hawaii.  Dreams of sunshine, hula girls, and volcanoes were in the minds of those getting on board.  Fantasies were coming true.  People had saved money for years, just for one , and Los Angeles was the last glimmer of the hurried life that they were getting away from.
 As these happy people stood in line to be assigned seats for Flight 402, a man in a dirty raincoat and sunglasses got in line.  He was tall and thin and emotionless.  The man in front of him in line was a retired Navy chief.  He and his wife were on their second honeymoon.  The man in the raincoat took a knife out of his pocket and stuck in in the side of the ex-Navy man.  The man screamed with pain and reached for his wife.
 "Oh my God", said his wife in disbelief.
 "Quick, grab him!", said another woman.
 "I've got him", cried a husky, young man.
 The man in the raincoat took the knife and stuck it in his own ribs, as if to commit Hari-Kiri.  All watched in horror and boarded the plane.  The airport security wondered how he got past them with a knife.  Two dead in an L.A. airport and others went into dreamland.

(start of another unfinished novel)

Change, 1973

Listen to the voices
Of reason, of knowledge,
Of truth, but the
World still exists,
No matter what we do.

Isn't it sad that
We can't do anything
That will change the world,
Because the world is illogical.

War is illogical.
Prejudice is illogical,
Hate is illogical,
Everything is illogical,
When we have a world of individuals.

So, our voices are not
to be heard, when we
have peace with honor
and people that support it.

Stop the people,
Rearrange the world,
Listen to the air,
Collapse into oblivion.

The Cemetery, 1968

Have you ever walked through a graveyard at night,
Without a candle nor lantern of light,
Stumbling over rocks and roots,
And getting mud on your nice, clean boots?

Looking up at a tree,
Shadows you do see,
Thinking they are ghosts, you do,
Hearing the wind as if to say, BOO!

You turn and run,
You do not have fun,
In a graveyard at night,
Without a candle or a lantern at night.

Cease-fire, 1974

Bombs aren't dropped
 anymore in Vietnam.
Bullets don't pierce
 civilian bodies.
But death still reigns
 king in the world.

War is NOT stopped
 thanks to a piece of paper.
A cease-fire is just a step
 to world conflagration.

Then, to look at all of
 these statements--does it
  mean that Vietnam is dead
   no matter what Dr. Kissinger said?

Or to paraphrase something else:
 North Vietnam sat on a wall,
 North Vietnam had a great fall,
 All of Nixon's programs and all of Nixon's plans--
 Couldn't put Vietnam back together again.

The End

Carson Falls, 1971

 In all of history, nothing can be compared to that day of January 14, 1987.  The event that took place that day was so horrible that words cannot describe it.  Let's go back through time to see what took place.
 The day was Wednesday.  The time was 4:57 in the afternoon.  In the remote wilderness of North Dakota, a radar was picking up strange signals from the sky.  Numbers appeared in coded messages:  457, 349, 600, 139.  The numbers were repeated over and over again.  They were decoded as:  4:57 p.m., left at 3:49 p.m., arrival at 6:00, but the 139 did not make sense.  The radar showed the object was heading toward the United States.
 George Robson, who was head of the Strategic Air Command, identified the object as a missile with a multiple-warhead.  General Robson was unable to tell where the missile came from, but he wasn't going to just stand around.  He called the President of the United States, Floyd Barker.
 Pres. Barker was winding up his work day.  He had signed all of the papers and was walking out the door, when the frightening sound of the red phone ringing was heard.  The phone was never used except in dire emergencies.  Only once had the red phone ever been used, when an airplane carrying the joint chiefs-of-staff crashed.  The crash was an accident.  There were no survivors.  Now the phone was ringing, and it wasn't a laughing matter.
 With caution, Pres. Barker approached the phone.  He picked up the arm and said with reserve, "Yes, this is the president."
 "Mr. President, this is George Robson of SAC.  We have an unidentified warhead heading toward the U. S.  The estimated time of arrival is 6:00 this afternoon."
 "You don't know where it came from?", asked the president.
 "No sir, we don't", said General Robson.  "Nowadays, it could have come from anywhere.  We keep getting a coded message:  457, 349, 600, 139.  The only number we have not deciphered is 139."
 "All right", said the president, "Retaliate, destroy the missile!"
 "Yes sir, consider it done", said Robson.
 Floyd Barker felt sick.  Since the 1950's, each president had been faced with the threat of a nuclear war, but not until now had anything like this happened.  After Pres. Barker had gotten over the shock of the missile, he called the Pentagon.  He ordered the Air Force to take appropriate action and the Army to stand by.
 General Robson fired an anti-missile missile at the unidentified rocket.  Within seconds, the intruding rocket was destroyed.  He called the president, who at this time was in the White House war room, and said that the rocket was destroyed.  The president was glad.
 Suddenly and without warning, another missile appeared on the radar screen.  This time, the rocket was traveling very fast, so fast that the radar could hardly keep track of the rocket.  Gen. Robson didn't have time to call the president, so he took the responsibility on himself.  He fired another anti-missile missile, but it missed.  He fired another rocket, but it missed, too.  The enemy rocket plowed into Chicago, Illinois.
 Two million people died instantly, and 13 million others were doomed to oblivion.  The president was immediately alerted.  He ordered full-scale war but against whom?
 Israel had been a military threat ever since the Chinese takeover of that country in 1979.  Israel had become Chinese in ever respect including customs.  The Chinese gave the Israeli scientists the hydrogen bomb.  Although Israel was completely separated from the government of China, it kept the teachings of the late Mao, who died in the summer of 1976.  China had become a pacifist state compared to Israel.  The Israelis were barbaric with no regard for human life.  At the height of the takeover, 3 million Jews were killed by their own kind.  Now, they were shooting rockets all over the world by using a roulette wheel.
 President Barker couldn't stand it anymore.  He ordered his B-52's to take off and find out where the rockets were coming from.  The planes were armed with a new weapon, hydrogen torpedoes.  This weapon was like the hydrogen bomb, except these could be used on either land or water at anytime and were twice as effective than the regular hydrogen bombs.  The planes were also equipped with old-fashioned air to air missiles.
 One of the planes spotted a missile heading for India.  India was one of the worst places for a bomb to explode, because it had so many people living there.  An estimated two billion people lived in India.  The B-52 launched an air to air missile at the foreign rocket.  It was a direct hit.  There were no official markings on the rocket, except one number, which was D680537.  The pilot of the B-52 decided that the number was the serial number of the rocket.  He radioed his base.  "Donrat, this is B459, Donrat, this is B459, we intercepted a bullet over India.  No visible markings, except an apparent serial number.  The number is D680537, repeat, D680537.  Do not know where it came from.  Do you read me, Donrat?"
 "Roger B459, we read you loud and clear.  We'll check out the number.  Thanks.  Over and out."
 Suddenly, a flash in the sky removes any trace of the B-52.  A jet aircraft with the Israeli flag painted on the side turns back toward its home country.
 The president's intercontinental phone rang several times.  Barker picked up the receiver, and the voice on the other end said, "Mr. President, my name is Lang Hu.  I am the leader of Israel."
 "I know who you are.  What do you want?", said the president.
 "We want all the gold in the world or we will destroy it.  You have two samplings of our power, Chicago and the B-52."
 "What B-52?"
 "We just blew one out of the sky!"
 "You're not getting anything from us", said the president of the U. S.
 "If that's the way you want it, you won't live though the night!", said Lang Hu.
 The line went dead.  President Barker ordered his missiles to fix their positions on Israel.  He gave the go-ahead to fire.  The B-52's were told to attack Israel from the sea, using their hydrogen torpedoes to bomb their shores.  The missiles were to take Israel by land.
 The Israelis fired all of their missiles at points in the world.  Paris was eliminated in twenty seconds.  The rolling hills of Scotland were nothing more than black ash.  The icy waters of Russia turned into a boiling ocean of fallout.  The lush rain forests of South America were singed beyond recognition.  The Earth was a mass of ash, rubble, and charred remains of the entire human race.  Animals, birds, fish, and even insects were wiped out.  There were no buzzards to feast off the dead material.  Everything was black.
 Life in Carson Falls, West Virginia went on just as ever.  It was 7:00 in the morning of January 15, 1987.  Men were going out to get the morning paper.  Dogs were barking.  The smell of eggs and bacon came from the houses.  The birds sang the song of a beautiful morning.
 The news in the paper was the same as usual.  The biggest news in the Carson Chronicle was that Sara Craddock had a baby.  That made two for her.
 Mayor Robinson had a meeting with his city council at 10:00 a.m.  Mrs. Robinson fixed her husband the same breakfast that he has had for 15 years.  The breakfast consisted of scrambled eggs, bacon, and a cup of coffee.  He ate his breakfast, kissed his wife goodbye, and headed for work.  Robinson knew that this day was going to be very boring.  Thursdays were always boring, because it was the day right before Friday, which is the last day of work for the week.
 Carson Falls had a population of about 500.  That included the animals, too.  There were about ten or twelve stores and businesses in Carson Falls.  Included in the town were two restaurants, a movie theater, an insurance firm, two law firms, a doctor, three clothing stores, and other assorted businesses.  Carson Falls was a typical town.  It was nestled in the hills of West Virginia.  The valley acted like a giant fan, and it blew all the air pollution from the nearby factories away from the valley.  Carson Falls was a middle-class Shangri-La.
 No one cared about today.  It was a typical day.  Mayor Robinson reached the city hall at 8:30.  He was driving a '53 Ford, which hadn't broken down once.  The city council met with him at 10:00 that morning.  The meeting was called to talk about the new gas station that was proposed for the town.  Many residents had complained of the traffic around their houses.  The city council voted on it, and they voted against the station.  That meeting was a prime example of the type government that Carson Falls had.  They didn't want change unless it was absolutely necessary.  This time it wasn't absolutely necessary.
 Judd Waters, the town idiot, was taking his usual morning walk.  It was 11:00.  He usually walked up to the top of one of the mountain ridges and breathed in the fresh air.  When he got to the top of the ridge, he saw absolutely nothing.  There were no lush forests, no animals, nothing but black ash.  He wondered if there had been a forest fire, but he didn't smell smoke.  He remembered that there was a town directly over the ridge. There wasn't any trace of the town.
 The idiot went back into Carson Falls and tried to tell the people about what he had seen.  Everyone thought that he was an idiot even though he was telling the truth.  No one believed him.


(my unfinished novel)

Captain Soul Goes to the Moon, 1971

 Samson was sick.  He had chicken pox.  Captain Soul was chasing the W.R.O.N.G. agent, Farley Marrow.  They were on foot in Burma.  They had gone through Thailand and Cambodia and were starting to get tired.  Farley Marrow's mission was to plant the W.R.O.N.G. flag on the moon.  Captain Soul was trying to head him off by going around the world by the other way.  Farley Marrow arrived at the Cape Cleveland launching site.  He had three minutes to get into the rocket.  Captain Soul chased him into the rocket.  Captain Soul couldn't get off in time.  The rocket took off.  The gravitational pull was so great that Farley Marrow and Captain Soul were pulled together.  It took two days to reach the moon.  The question was, "What was going to happen when they reached the moon?"  The rocket made a soft landing on the moon, but it hit a rock and turned over on its side.  Farley Marrow ran outside wearing an oxygen helmet and carrying the W.R.O.N.G. flag to plant on the moon.  Captain Soul ran after him.  Captain Soul didn't have an oxygen helmet, but everyone knows that blacks don't need oxygen to survive.  He had just gotten out of the rocket, when he was attacked by the moon people, which numbered 43.  They were armed with moonbeams, moon rocks, and moonshine.  Farley Marrow had been captured by the moon people, who called themselves the Spiroes.  They lived in an underground land known as "Chicken Soup and Barley Corn" of the moon.  Most of the Spiroes were nice people, but they attacked almost everything.
 Meanwhile, back at home, Z was informed by Cape Cleveland and the Walla Walla Space Center that the rocket could not return to Earth.  Z wasn't too surprised, because deep down inside, he didn't like Captain Soul.  Samson the Chicken was told this, and he went into hysterics.  (If you are ever around a chicken that goes into hysterics, especially a 7'3" chicken, then you better watch out.)  Samson started to prepare funeral arrangements for Captain Soul.  He wrote the inscription for the tombstone:
 Captain Soul
(alias Joe Brown)
b. 1936    d. 1971
He is not here--
He is on the moon--
Everyone sheds many tears--
Girls swoon.
 Farley Marrow was trying to explain to the Spiroes that he was with W.R.O.N.G.  Fortunately, the Spiroes could speak English, like all the space freaks can on T.V.  They understood, but they realized that Captain Soul was good, and Farley Marrow was evil.  They imprisoned Farley Marrow and let Captain Soul go.  Unfortunately, Captain Soul didn't have a way back to Earth.
 Samson the Chicken had an idea to get Captain Soul back.  He inhaled all the air that he possibly could.  The moon was pulled toward the Earth until it was 28,000 feet from the surface of the Earth.  The Air Force sent a plane up to the moon and got Captain Soul.  Then Samson blew the moon back into its orbit.  Everything was alright, except for Farley Marrow.  His sentence was to listen to the Spiroes' rhetoric for ever.

Captain Soul helps Samson Escape, 1971

 It was a bright and sunny day.  Samson the Chicken was going home from work.  It had been an average work day.  Captain Soul and Samson saved 300 Bolivian sailors from a typhoon, 60 French bakers from a hunger strike, and 750 Chilean Marxists from a capitalist society.  The streetcar pulled up to the corner and let him out, ten miles from his house.  Samson decided to flap his giant, one foot wings with great vigor.  He tried to fly, but he found that his wings were tied down by wire.  Samson was helpless.  He decided to hop to his house.  While he was hopping, Samson fell into a hole that was 18 feet deep and five feet wide.  It was impossible for him to get back out.
 Meanwhile, Z was on vacation, and another man had been substituted as temporary head of S.O.U.L.  This man was B.  B was paranoid.  Captain Soul, after three days, reported that Samson was missing.  B was sure that the evil organization, W.R.O.N.G., was behind it all. (W.R.O.N.G. stands for Western Rogues of No Good).  So, B mobilized the entire available S.O.U.L. agents, which totaled--two.  Those two were Captain Soul and Barber the Butcher.  Barber was a reliable helper in case of emergencies.  B sent the two men to Samson's house to see if they could find a clue.  While Captain Soul searched the house, Barber butchered all the known W.R.O.N.G. agents in the neighborhood.  Samson lived in an apartment building, twenty stories high.  There were no clues.  Then B sent them to the W.R.O.N.G. headquarters.  They were to pose as telephone repairmen.  Unfortunately, all of the phones were in working order.  The W.R.O.N.G. agents knew they weren't repairmen, not because of the condition of the phones, but because they saw one of the repairmen wearing pink tights, and the other wearing a butcher's apron.  During the fight between the S.O.U.L. agents and the W.R.O.N.G. agents, Barber the Butcher murdered 14 telephones, thereby needing telephone repairmen.  The two S.O.U.L. agents pointed this fact out, so the W.R.O.N.G. agents let them go ahead with their work.
 While this was going on, Samson was fluttering in the hole.  The evil maniac, Dr. Barney Jacobsen, was holding Samson prisoner.  Captain Soul knew that they weren't going to find Samson in W.R.O.N.G. headquarters, because all that they were talking about was hog jowls and fat back.  Captain Soul searched his mind for a clue to the recovery of Samson.  What evil mind had the dynamic duo put in jail that was out to do them in?  He racked his brain and remembered one man, Barney Jacobsen.  Could he be the one?  Captain Soul knew that Dr. Jacobsen liked digging holes, so he left Barber the Butcher to fix the phones.  Since Captain Soul couldn't fly, he took the same streetcar that Samson took to get home.  He arrived at the corner that Samson got off from the streetcar.  He traced Samson's path.  Since Samson weighed so much, it was pretty easy to follow the footprints in the sidewalk.  He found the hole where Samson was being held.  Dr. Jacobsen threw some chicken wire at Captain Soul, but it missed.  Captain Soul gave Dr. Jacobsen one blast of his new weapon, the Tom the Bomb gun.  It blew up in his face.  Fortunately, Captain Soul was black, so the burns didn't show.  Dr. Jacobsen was so shocked that he fell into the hole and was mauled by Samson.  Captain Soul arrested Dr. Jacobsen.  Samson got out of the hole.  Everyone lived happily ever after except for Dr. Jacobsen, who got 50 years for chicken-napping.

Captain Soul or Captain Sole, 1971

 The sun was shining over the rolling hills of the Ozarks.  A feud was occurring between the Davises and the Palmers.  Bully Davis was shooting it out with Artie Palmer.  It was a fair match except for Bully Davis being a real bull.  Artie Palmer shot twice, but the bull kept coming toward him.  Suddenly, a puff of smoke was covering the bull.  With a popping sound, the bull changed into a dumb-looking boy.  Artie Palmer fainted, followed by a heart attack.  He died.  The feud was over.  Bully Davis laughed.  It always worked, because the Davises never lost a feud.
 This was the work of the evil hillbilly scientist, Jed Hickman.  He had perfected the method to change the chemistry of the body into an entirely new thing.  Bully Davis came into the old laboratory of Dr. Hickman and said, "Golly, surprise, surprise, Surprise!  I just finished off our last neighbor."  Dr. Hickman said, "I've got a new job for you, Bully.  I want you to become Captain Sole and take over the world."  "But Dr. Hickman", said Bully, "Captain Soul is black!"  Dr. Hickman said, "So what?  Just fake it."
 At that same time, Captain Soul was taking a bath.  He was getting all clean for the Superheroes Dance.  He was going with Martha Hairi, a retired spy.  While he was dressing in his pink tights, a looming figure appeared on the scene.  It was Bully Davis, otherwise known as Captain Sole.  Bully gave Captain Soul a fist in the stomach.  Unfortunately, Captain Soul was not wearing his fist-proof stomach, so evidently it hurt.  He crumpled under the pain.  Bully Davis saw the invitation to the dance, and with his "quick" mind, he figured out that Captain Soul would be going to the dance.  He put on the pink tights, the fist-proof stomach, and the karate-proof neck.  Then he went to the dance, which was being held in the mailroom of S.O.U.L. headquarters.  He didn't know to pick  Martha Hairi up, so she was very mad when she finally got to the dance.  When she saw Captain Sole, she said, "Why, you're not Captain Soul!  Captain Soul is black."  "Maybe not", said Bully, "But I try to fake it."
 Samson was supposed to be picked up by Captain Soul so he could go to the dance, too.  When Captain Soul didn't come, Samson got worried.  He flew over to Captain Soul's house, in the superhero district of town.  When Samson arrived at the house, he could tell that there was a struggle, because the door was off its hinges.  He picked Captain Soul up from the bedroom floor.  Captain Soul said that he had been hit from behind by an oversized, dumb-looking figure.  His suit was missing, so he figured out that the impostor was at the dance.
 Martha Hairi didn't know what to do.  When she and Bully Davis tried to dance, he would step on her feet.  He was very clumsy.  Fortunately, Captain Soul had another pink suit.  Captain Soul burst into the mailroom and seized Bully Davis.  Everyone gasped when they realized that there were two superheroes in pink tights.  No one, except for Martha Hairi, realized that one was black, Captain Soul, and one was white, Captain Sole.  With all his super strength, Captain Soul hit Bull Davis and asked him who was behind all this.  Bully Davis said, "It's Ted Hickman."
 So, Captain Soul and Samson the Chicken took off for the Ozarks to get Jed Hickman.  They seized Jed Hickman and took him to jail.  At Z's office, Captain Soul filed his report.  Z said, "Well, we won't have to worry about Jed Hickman anymore."  "No", said Captain Soul, "And Captain Sole was such a heel."

Captain Soul Captured?, 1971

 Captain Soul had stopped off in Washington, D.C. for a convention of superheroes.  The convention was going to have superheroes from all over the world.  Captain Soul was going to be the main speaker.  The unfortunate thing was that no one knew where the meeting was going to be, because it was a secret meeting.  When the superheroes came to Washington, most of them flew in but not on planes.  Being a superhero has one advantage, you don't have to pay for a round-trip ticket.
 In the building that was being used for the convention, the third floor men's washroom was the site of the secret meeting.  Captain Soul brought his new weapon, the mashed potato gun.  Z asked Captain Soul to stand outside the building, which was the Capitol, and watch for his superhero friends.  While he was standing out there, an army cadet saw him.  When the cadet noticed his pink tights and the letters "C/S" on his chest, he thought that this black guy was crazy.  The cadet's name was Scott Michaelson.  He said, "Hey boy!  You are in a heap of trouble!"  Before Captain Soul knew it, the cadet had given Captain Soul a karate chop, and he was knocked out.  Since Michaelson thought that Captain Soul was crazy, he brought him to the Pentagon Sanitarium for treatment.  The head of the hospital was General Westy Williamson, a retired army major.  After a week, Z realized that Captain Soul was missing.  He went outside the washroom, and when he didn't see Captain Soul, he called Samson the Chicken.
 Meanwhile, in the sanitarium, General Williamson told Cadet Michaelson, "The R.O.T.C. will be proud of you."  Captain Soul was pondering how to escape from the clutches of the evil General Williamson.  He got an idea.  The mashed potato gun!  It was very small, but it contained concentrated mash potatoes.  He took it out of his pocket and pointed it at Cadet Michaelson.  With one squeeze of the trigger, mashed potatoes shot into the cadet's mouth.  While he was coughing, Captain Soul tried to escape, but General Williamson caught up with him.  Everything seemed hopeless, when out of nowhere there appeared Samson the Chicken!  He had lost his balance while flying, and he fell through the roof of the Pentagon Sanitarium.  He fell on General Williamson.  Captain Soul escaped.  When Captain Soul asked Z how he knew where he was, Z replied, "A little old lady from Pasadena informed us of your capture."  "I'll buy a car from her someday", said Captain Soul.  Samson chirped.  That wouldn't be feasible, since Captain Soul already had transportation--Samson.

Captain Soul Strikes Back, 1971

 The lights were flashing.  A loud, whining noise was making the man irritable.  The man was fat, short, and wore thin-rimmed glasses.  His machine was about as big as a barn.  It was a tunnel with a movie screen at the end of the tunnel.  On the movie screen was a picture of Genghis Khan with his Mongol Horde.  The man was making final preparations to be transported through time to the time of his choice.  The machine was a time machine.  The man was Thomas Geddisberg, the evil scientist.  Dr. Geddisberg's previous inventions have included:  a wind tunnel, an airplane, a tornado, an electric can opener, and a baby bib.  He had a hideaway in the tiny island of Manhattan.  No one knew where his hideout was, except for the entire Italian population of New York (they would never tell).
 Z's office was being renovated as a result of urban renewal.  They had moved from their elevator to the broom closet.  S.O.U.L. was on a limited budget.  Z was worried, because they might have to stay in the broom closet instead of going back to the elevator.  Z asked his secretary, Miss Tenderness, to bring in the file on the expenditures of S.O.U.L.  Z saw that Captain Soul had spent more money than any other superhero.  He called in Captain Soul to his office.  Z said, "Well Captain Soul, I see that you are a very expensive agent."  Captain Soul said, "It's not me, it's Samson.  He is buying too mank turtleneck sweaters."  "I've got a case for you", said Z.  "I hope it's tasty", retorted Captain Soul.  Z said, "I've decided that you need an assistant, besides Samson, for your adventures.  I'm giving you the most famous detective of all time."  "But Z, I'm already working for myself", said Captain Soul.  "It's not you, it's Charlie Chanese", said Z.  Z told Captain Soul about Dr. Geddisberg's invention.  Captain Soul was amazed by the fact that Dr. Geddisberg invented the baby bib.  Samson waddled into the broom closet and made it very crowded.  Z told Captain Soul, "Not only is Dr. Geddisberg a fat slob, but he is also a born loser."
 So, Captain Soul, Samson the Chicken, and Charlie Chanese set out to find that evil fiend, Dr. Geddisberg.  They searched high and low, and they were about to give up when they heard a noise.  It was a loud, whining noise.  They found out that the sound was coming from an abandoned barn in downtown Manhattan.  Captain Soul told Sanson and Charlie to wait outside.  He went into the barn and had to put on his super earplugs, because the noise was too great.  When Dr. Geddisberg saw Captain Soul, he became afraid and ran toward the time tunnel.  Captain Soul followed him into the tunnel.  They jumped through together and landed in the Civil War.  The Union army saw this black guy with pink tights and they started laughing uncontrollably.  The Confederate army was going to capture the Union army, but they were too busy laughing, too.  Dr. Geddisberg started laughing, too.  Captain Soul took Dr. Geddisberg into custody, and they stepped back into the time tunnel.  Charlie Chanese said, "Ah, so.  This is peachy keen."  Samson chirped.  Captain Soul to Dr. Geddisberg off to jail.  Everything was great after this, except for a slight defect.  Charlie Chanese was Italian.  (But the Italians would never tell.)

Captain Soul and "The Grease Machine", 1970

 It was a cold, dark day.  The world was blanketed by chicken grease.  Captain Soul was flying on the back of Samson the Chicken.  Samson got stuck in the grease, and he froze.  Captain Soul said, "Who is responsible for this?"  Little did he know that the man responsible for this was Derek Stevenson.  He had made a machine to spread grease all over the world.  He said, "No one will know that I am doing this."
 Meanwhile, word had gotten to Z that Samson was incapacitated.  Captain Soul walked into S.O.U.L. headquarters and said, "Golly gosh Z, Samson is greasy!"  Z said, "So what else is new?"  Samson had been captured by the Kentucky Major to use in this next batch of "Lip-lickin' Chickin".  An informer for S.O.U.L. and a worker at Kentucky Major called S.O.U.L. headquarters.  He said, "Samson's been captured by the Kentucky Major."  "So what", said Captain Soul, "You can't cook a 7'3" chicken."
 Since Samson was incapacitated, Captain Soul set out to find who put grease on the world.  He searched high and low.  He was just about to give up, when he saw the Kentucky Major hauling Samson in his truck.  Captain Soul said, "Wait, you've got Samson!"  "So what else is new?" said the Kentucky Major.  Captain Soul said, "Samson is my friend."  The Major said, "With a friend like him, who needs enemies?"  The Major was so touched about the feelings of Captain Soul, that he let Samson go.  Captain Soul said, "Thank you Major, do you know who put grease over the world?"  The Major said, "Maybe I do, and maybe I don't.  How much is it worth to you?"  Captain Soul said, "Okay, I'll patronize your chicken places."  The Major said, "Okay, the man that is covering the world with grease is, the greasy man himself, Derek Stevenson."  "Thanks, thanks a lot", said Captain Soul.
 Captain Soul called Z, and he said, "Z, we found out who is spreading grease over the world."  Z said, "I knew you would."  Derek Stevenson was, at that moment, plugging in his new invention.  It was a dirt machine.  It spread dirt and dust all over everything.  Unfortunately, Samson suffered from hay fever.  When the dust hit his nose, he started to sneeze.  Z asked Captain Soul, "What is wrong?"  Captain Soul said, "It must be Derek Stevenson."  The closer that Samson got to Stevenson's hideout; the more he would sneeze.  They reached the hideout, which happened to be the Kentucky Major's house.  Was Derek Stevenson the Kentucky Major?  Was the Kentucky Major Derek Stevenson?  The answer was sure to come out.
 Captain Soul snuck into the house, but Samson weighed so much, that he caused an earthquake while trying to sneak in.  The Kentucky Major felt this catastrophe, and he thought the world was coming to an end.  Captain Soul burst into the house.  He saw the Kentucky Major and asked for Derek Stevenson.  The Kentucky Major said, "Oh, you must mean my butler."  "Your butler?", asked Captain Soul.  "Yes, Derek", said the Kentucky Major.  Derek Stevenson came into the room and saw Samson the Chicken.  Samson got mad and jumped up and down.  A chandelier fell on Derek Stevenson and knocked him out.  Captain Soul took Derek Stevenson off to jail.  The Kentucky Major gave Samson a life-time membership to his chicken places.  When Z saw Captain Soul after his adventure, he told him, "You did a good job!"  Captain Soul replied, "So what else is new?"

Captain Soul and The One-Ton Lazy Baby, 1970

 It was a hot, humid day.  A man came out of a building.  The sign on the building said, "Da-Da, Ma-Ma Laboratory".  He was a short, fat man with glasses.  Another man, tall and thin, met the short, fat man.  The tall man said, "Oh, hello Dr. Tot."  The short, fat man said, "Hello Professor Fraud.  I've just completed a new invention."  "What is it, Dr. Tot", said Fraud.  "You'll see", said Tot.
 At that same moment, a looming figure was appearing on the horizon in Des Moines, Iowa.  A man saw it and said, "It's, it's a baby!"  The baby tripped over a car and fell across the street from the man.  The baby was 50 ft. high and weighed one-ton.  As it fell, it gripped the side of a department store, and the store crumbled under the weight.  Fortunately, the man that saw it worked for S.O.U.L. (Superheroes of Universal Love).  He ran to a nearby phone booth, and he called S.O.U.L.  The phone rang twice at S.O.U.L. headquarters, and the secretary, Miss Tenderness, answered the phone.  He told her, "I have to talk to Z right away!"  She said, "Okay, I'll ring him."  The man said, "Z?  There's a one-ton baby outside this phone booth."  Z said, "Now, calm down, we'll send someone right away.  By the way, did you say one-ton?"  The man said, "Yes."  Z said, "Are you sure that he isn't big for his age?"  "I'm sure!", said the man.
 Z asked Miss Tenderness, "Who is available for a job?"  She said, "Well, let's see.  There's Charlie Chanese, James Bonded, Matt Helmet, Derek Flintlock, Captain Nice, Super Turkey, and Captain Soul."  "There's no doubt about it", said Z.  "Who is it this time?", said the secretary.  "It will have to be--CAPTAIN SOUL!", said Z.
 Captain Soul, whose real name is Joe Brown, was born in Colton County, Georgia on July 26, 1936.  He was black.  His height was 6'4", and he weighed 176 lbs.  He had a sidekick named Samson the Chicken.  Samson was born on a chicken farm in North Alabama on November 19, 1903.  His height was 7'3", and he weighed 300 lbs.  They reported to Z as soon as they got word that they were needed.
 Z welcomed them in his office by saying, "Good Morning boys, er..., er..., boy and chicken.  Sit down please."  Z pressed a button and a movie screen appeared from the roof.  Z said, "This movie is about your assignment."  He started the projector and said, "These pictures are of Dr. Tot, the most infamous man in all the world.  He has perfected a machine, that produces one-ton babies.  His friend and trusted cohort is Professor Fraud.  The professor creates the brain, while the doctor produces the body.  Your job, if you accept, will be to find the laboratory and destroy it.  By the way, if you don't accept it, then you will be looking for another job."  "Okay, we'll do it", said Captain Soul.  "And remember" said Z, "You'll be doing it in the name of Love."  "Right on", said Captain Soul.  Captain Soul and Samson said their goodbyes, and they went to the roof of S.O.U.L. headquarters to take off.  Unfortunately, Captain Soul couldn't fly, so he got on the top of Samson, and they were off.  They were flying over the laboratory of Dr. Tot, when Captain Soul said, "Hey Samson, baby, there's Tot's lab".  Samson took Captain Soul down so they could land on the roof.  Unfortunately, the enormous weight of Samson caved in the roof.  They fell through and landed on top of one of Dr. Tot's babies.  Dr. Tot said, "We were expecting you."  Captain Soul said, "Dr. Tot, you are under arrest."  Tot said, "First, you must stop my babies!"  Captain Soul said, "Okay Samson, do your stuff."  Samson took in a deep breath and then blew it out, blowing away all of the one-ton babies.  Captain Soul then took Dr. Tot into custody.  At this time, Professor Fraud came in and he said, "What's happening?"  Dr. Tot said, "Captain Soul has just arrested me."  Captain Soul said, "Who are you?"  Prof. Fraud said, "I'm just a friend."  Captain Soul said, "Well, friends are arrested, too".  So, Samson, Captain Soul, Dr. Tot, and Prof. Fraud returned to the headquarters of S.O.U.L.  Captain Soul turned Dr. Tot and Prof. Fraud over to Z.  Z put them in prison.  So now, if you hear things go bump in the night, you'll know that it isn't a one-ton baby, but it could very well be Samson falling through your roof.

IMPORTANT!!
 It is basic to realize that the aurora of Captain Soul comes from everything and everybody.  No one is being laughed at, no race is being snickered at, and no one is saying anything bad about chickens.  The preceding comment must be realized before action could be taken against the author.  Thank you.