The Uncle Don Variety Show, 1972

Announcer.   And now, live, direct, and unexpurgated from Billy's Barber Shop in Berkeley,
                      Brooklyn, and Boone's Farm, here is the Uncle Don Variety Show.  We've got acts
                      never before seen on T. V.  Some of them will never be seen or heard from again.
                      So now, with music, comedy, and the spice of life, here's Uncle Don.


Uncle Don.   Thank you, yes, here is the variety show.  We don't promise that you will like
                      everything, but please like something or we will be cancelled.  Let's get started with a
                      comic from Caraway Seed, Nevada.  Here is Joe Kocomo.  Let's hear it for Joe.
                      (complete silence)


Kocomo.       Well thank you, a great audience, great audience.  I am reminded of the priest, who
                      blessed a marriage, and then found out that they didn't have any money to pay him.
                      (silence)  You know what the world's best bomb is?  It's me.  (silence)  A funny thing
                      happened to me on the way here tonight.  A 6000-pound gorilla carried me up the
                      Empire State Building and thought that I was a banana.  (silence)  You've been a
                      great audience, thank you.


Uncle Don.   That was wonderful, Joe.  Let's hear it for Joe Kocomo.  (one person claps in back of
                      audience)  Now, while the stage crew is setting up the stage for our next act, out in our
                      audience tonight, sitting out there is John Wayne, former movie star, and he is now
                      the Duke of the Zambezi River Valley.  Stand up, your royal highness.  Our next act is
                      rather strange.  It comes from the Australian outback.  Here is an actual aborigine
                      singing, "I Can't Stop Loving You".


Aborigine.     Megumba, myowi, patuli kai, the words I don't know, 'cause my throat's so dry.


Uncle Don.   Oh, let's hear it for this great singer.  (everyone cheers and claps)