Monday, February 23, 2015

Where Am I Now? (Another Psychoanalytical Note), 1984

 Today could have been a very happy day.  Depression is such that I cannot pull up from it.  In reflecting on past thoughts of suicide, the question really remains--Why?  Why not?  A master's degree.  A high IQ.  Some talent towards writing and acting.  Good friends.  Good food.  Fun.
 I live a lie.  You who read this may have your act together.  If you do, that makes me happy.  I am not happy.  I haven't been for about five years. 
 Feeling sorry for yourself is one of my traits.  I find consolation in myself.  If my schizophrenia was such that I couldn't feel that way anymore, then I would go crazy.
 Today could have been a very happy day.

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