Shepherds/Joy, 2006

1.  Hey, wake up!
2.  (groggy) What?
1.  Look at the light!
2.  Wow!  I must have overslept.  What time is it?
1.  It doesn't matter.  He's come.
2.  Who, Christ?
1.  Yes!
2.  The shepherds are jumping up and down!
1.  Yes!  We are ALL excited!!
2.  Where is He?
1.  The voice from the light said he was born here tonight.
2.  Hey, wait a minute.  You mean we have been waiting out here in the cold for the birth of a baby?
1.  It's God's son--Jesus Christ!!  Let's go see Him.
2.  Do you think we should?
1.  The voice in the light said to GO and SEE the BABY!
2.  Okay.  Let's go (they exit)

Shells--The Sequel

 When we last read about the Shell family of Myrtle Beach, they had been split up by forces beyond their control.  Papa Shell became a doorstop in the home of the condo salesman's "niece".  Mama Shell was donated to the South Carolina State Museum.  Baby Shell was thrown back into the surf by a little boy.  We now rejoin the Shells two months later.
 The condo salesman visited his "niece" one night to watch "Friday the 13th Part V" on her VCR.  The TV was now where Papa Shell was resting on the floor.  He heard this story about Jason coming back from the dead and killing everybody in the movie.  Papa Shell was inspired.  He thought that if Jason could do it, then he could too.  He started rocking back and forth making a noise that sounded like somebody was knocking at the door.  The "niece" told the condo salesman to get the door, because she was too scared.  As he walked toward the knocking, he kicked Papa Shell.  Papa Shell grabbed the salesman's foot and wouldn't let go.  The salesman yelled, but his "niece" didn't hear him.  She was too busy yelling at Jason on the TV.  The neighbors called the police when they heard the noise.  When the police got there, they found the salesman was dead and the "niece" was babbling something about Jason.  A policeman picked up Papa Shell and though he could donate him to the South Carolina State Museum as a tax write-off.  At last, Papa and Mama Shell could be together again.
 Unfortunately, Mama Shell saw another shell in the museum and fell in love.  When Papa Shell arrived at the museum, he was told the awful truth--Mama Shell had found somebody else.  Dejected, Papa Shell sat in his case and watched the world go by,  Mama Shell married this new shell and they lived happily ever after, in the case next to Papa Shell's case.
 Meanwhile, Baby Shell was spending his time dodging feet and sharks in the surf.  He remembered something his Mama said, "Go to school".  He looked around and saw a school of fish swimming by.  He joined the school.  The fish looked at him and saw that Baby Shell was different.  In fact, they thought he was wearing a mask.  A flounder took pity on Baby Shell and became his friend.  The shell studied economics and made straight A's.  Soon, he was ready to graduate.  Baby Shell was captured by a man with a pipe.  The man took Baby Shell with him back to Columbia, where he is now the chief advisor to the man with the pipe at a store called Belk.
                                                     The End

She Left Me, 1990

I didn't know her name,
At least that's what I claim,
I met her in the dark,
I had my car in park.


She jumped into my jeep,
Her eyes were very deep,
Her beauty was like tan,
I knew I was her man.


I drove about two blocks,
I was tingling down to my socks,
We stopped at a traffic light,
And like a bird she took flight.


She left me all alone,
She left me like a dog and no bone,
She left me on the street,
She left me sitting in my seat.


Now I look for her everywhere,
I remember her long blonde hair,
But I don't know her name,
I guess it was all a game.

She

She hurt me,
She smiles at me,
She killed me,
When she left me.


Just like before,
There was someone else,
And now I wish he were dead,
So she could be with me.


I know it's awful,
I know it's bad,
But maybe she will
Take pity on me.


I love her so much,
And she knows that I do,
But she still has him.

The Adventures of Sergeant Boogie

Sergeant Boogie is his name,
Being a super hero is his game,
Bruce the Bear is with him, too,
And they'll always say this to you:
Boogie, Boogie, Boogie...


 In our last episode, Sergeant Boogie was stopping the war in Upper Volta.  Today, we find him in Outer Mongolia helping the Russians fight the Chinese.  Why, you ask, would Sergeant Boogie fight the Chinese?  Mainly because he wants to stop Mao's new book--The Gook Book.  We hear Sergeant Boogie saying:
 "I say, Bruce, those Chinks are retreating"!
 Bruce grunts.
 "That's right, Bruce.  Oh no, here comes their secret weapon.  It's a giant aardvark.
 Bruce grunts.
 Just then, the aardvark starts to fight with Sergeant Boogie.  Tune in next time, when we'll hear Sergeant Boogie say, "I've got ants in my pants and I need to dance."

Semi-Tough

 A cold rain fell the first day.  About two thousand people showed up.  They shot a couple of scenes, but the majority of the time was spent being entertained by stuntmen.  The second day was when we got down to business.  This time about fifty people came.  We were told to wear short-sleeved shirts and look like Florida.  When the director told us to get ready, everyone took off their heavy coats and look hot, and then he would yell "cut" and the coats would go back on.  Long underwear was a life-saver.  The director, Michael Ritchie, would move us fifty people all around the stadium as a group and then set up the camera shot in front of us.  To do so gave the illusion of a full stadium.  If you look very closely on either side of the screen, you will see empty seats.  Since it was a football game, or more accurately a series of football games, not everyone was for the same team.  So, the director split us up into two groups--those born before July and those born after July.  Each group would cheer for their respective teams.  Some people figured out that if they stood up and cheered, then they would be seen more, so their birthdays kept changing.  One day during the week the assistant director wanted to play a joke on one of the football players.  All fifty of us marched across the field and hit the player in the back.  It was very funny.  The lesson learned from "Semi-Tough" was that a film crew shoots much more film than what shows up on the screen. 
 My latest venture as a movie extra is in the November release--"Chattahoochee"--directed by Mick Jackson and starring Gary Oldman and Dennis Hopper.

A Seminary Experience in Time, 1977

Bring us down one more time,
Bring us down to you,
Bring us down if you don't mind,
It's just a little hard by ourselves.


See us once if you please,
See us once, okay?
See us once and then we'll go,
It's just a little hard right now.


Don't you know what I ask?
Don't you know what I say?
Don't you know that it's your job?
It's just a little hard to understand.


What did you mean when you said that?
What did you do about that?
What did we do that was so wrong?
It's just a little hard to tell.


Bring us down, can't you?
See us right now, won't you?
Don't you know we love you?
What did you say?
Who cares?

Seeing is not Believing, 1971

 It was a hot day.  The dispatcher told us that a man had reported a shooting.  Patrolmen Davies and Washburn came along with me.  It was 4:30 in the afternoon.  My name is Crawford.  I'm a police detective.
 When we go to the scene of the crime, we got out of the car and looked for clues in the front yard.  There were no clues.  We approached the victim's house with caution.  We didn't know what to expect.  Patrolman Washburn knocked on the door.  We waited for a few minutes, and no one came to the door.  Then a man appeared at the door.  He seemed frightened.  I asked him what his name was, and he said that it was Murray.  I told Mr. Murray who we were and asked if we could come inside his house.  He said it would be alright.
 We entered the little, 4-room house and sat down.  I asked the man to tell us what happened.  He said that there was a prowler outside last night.  The prowler was roaming around his back yard.  He said that he saw the prowler climb up his (Murray's) sliding board to get a better look of the neighborhood.  The prowler saw him observing his actions, so he pulled out his gun and shot at him.  He said that the prowler then ran away.  I asked if anybody else heard the shot.  He said, "No".
 Patrolman Davies went outside to look for footprints.  He found some near the slide.  He also found a bullet and gun powder marks.  This proved that someone was on a slide firing a gun.  I asked Mr. Murray to stay inside his house, while the three of us reenacted the crime.  I was Murray, and Washburn was the prowler.  He got onto the slide.  My feet were lying in the footprints of Murray.  The stage was set.  Washburn pointed his gun at me, and I realized something.  There was a tree exactly two degrees to the right of the barrel of the gun and thirty feet from the slide.  That put the tree between Washburn and myself, with the angle being two degrees.  If  Murray was telling the truth, then the prowler would have to have been an excellent marksman to bypass the tree without leaving a scratch.  Since the prowler was carrying a gun only for protection, and since the prowler was put under a great deal of strain during that night, and since there was a great deal of surprise involved in the shooting, it was plain to see that there was never a prowler, and Murray framed the entire incident.
 When we got back in the house, Mr. Murray was ready to identify the prowler as John Barmer.  We called headquarters and asked them to research John Barmer.  The reason for this was to see if there were any connections between the two men.  There was a connection.  Murray had been cheated by Barmer in a poker game.  This was Murray's way to get back at Barmer.
 The next day, we went back to Murray's house.  He was surprised to see us.  We told him about why we came back.  I explained to him about the tree.  I told him his rights.  He asked what he was going to be charged with.  I said, "Fraud".  We then went to John Barmer's house and informed him what had happened.  I told him that he had better not cheat, because it got other people in trouble, too.  Case dismissed.

Seeing, 1971

Seeing is believing,
Unless you don't want to believe,
Then you don't see,
Unless you are me.


I don't see,
But I believe,
That's what's wrong,
It's not the music--it's the song.


Unless YOU see what is real,
And YOU don't see what is unreal,
Then how do YOU know what is right,
With all YOUR sight.


Sing your sights,
Count your lights,
Faith in you is all powerful,
Count the petals on all your flowers.


Seeing is believing.

The Secret Information and Sayings of the Gitchees, 1971

Names:          Sam Gitchee, George Gitchee, and Louis Gitchee


Occupations: Sam is the mayor, George is the grocer, and Louis is the police and fire chief.


Living Area: 2 square feet; 7 miles south of Providence, Rhode Island, in the Atlantic Ocean, on a
                     rock.


Description: The 3 surviving Gitchee Indians live one on top of another in a totem pole fashion.  The
                     offices that each Gitchee holds are changed through an election every 6 months.  The
                     Gitchee on the bottom of the pole wears a SCUBA outfit when the tide comes in.  The
                     Gitchees are there, on the rock, 364 days out of the year.  On July 7, they travel to their
                     mecca--which is Goomee.  (The English name for Goomee is Providence.)  Rhode
                     Island does not claim the Gitchees, but they were there before the Rhode Islanders.


Sayings:       1.  A Gitchee in the hand is worth two on a stone.
                     2.  Look before you Gitchee.

Secrecy, 1975

If you say "CIA" real fast,
it comes out "say".


I only hope that the CIA
won't Say anything that they
don't have to.

Searchin', 2002

I've been searchin' for my baby,
I've been searchin' for my child,
I've been searchin' for my baby,
I really do miss her smile.


I've been searchin' for my baby,
She's been gone for a while,
When we kiss, she drives me crazy,
I've been on the road a lot of miles.


When I find her--what a joy,
When I find her and we hug,
'Cause she knows I'm her boy,
And she'll give my heart a tug.


I've been searchin' for my baby,
I've been searchin' high and low,
If you happen to see my baby,
Tell her that I lover her so.

School

From the time I
 Was six, I found
Myself within a world
 Of schoolwork.


School with friends,
 Math and all
That speling, but
 What else is there to do?

A Sacreligious piece of verse by a Porter at Belk, 1973

Now I layaway me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my employees packages will take,
If I die before I wake,
I pray that He'll at least take deliveries.
Amen.

Fajardo (to tune of Tomorrow), 1984

It always rains in Fajardo,
At least once a day in Fajardo does it rain,
Just thinking about Fajardo,
The people speak Spanish in Fajardo all the time,
When I think about rain and bugs and sunburn,
I just smile and then I have to say...


You'll always have fun in Fajardo,
The tourists never come to Fajardo just us kids,
Fajardo, Fajardo I love ya', Fajardo,
You're only $600 away,
Fajardo, Fajardo Don't leave me, Fajardo,
You're only $600 away.

San Juan (to the tune of Downtown), 1984

When you wish that you never left home--
 then you must always be in SAN JUAN.


When you have the lizards run on your toes,
 then you must really be in SAN JUAN.


Just look both ways before you go out into traffic,
And then you close your eyes and pray you'll cross the street alive.


Then when you do, you find that the shop is closed
And you must try again--they'll tell your next of kin
About SAN JAUN
 Where all the cars have dents.
SAN JUAN
 Each house has a 10-foot fence.
SAN JUAN
 Where nothing makes sense to me.


In SAN JUAN, SAN JUAN, SAN JUAN (Fade)

A Rock

A rock is the symbol
 of authority, but it
  also sits around
   and stares at the world.


It has no chance to move,
 unless kicked up by an animal
  or brushed against by
   a very strong water current.


Why can't a rock live a
 life like the rest of
  us and not sit all by
   itself in nature?


A rock shall not be moved
 like a sit-down strike
  of the middle 1960's
   but as far as we're
    concerned it's dead.

Run-Out, 1974

Happiness is for others
Where they work and play,
There was a time when I
Could say that I was happy, too.


Peace is for the war-torn,
Whose land has been bombed,
There was a time when I
Could say that I had peace, too.


People created other people,
And wandered off to kill,
This made me quite upset,
But it's all over now.


Time is for the living,
And this is that problem,
Because without time we don't live,
And I've run out of time.

Returning to Joy, 1974

Flowers bloom in the sky,
Birds sing flying by,
And I wish that my love
Would stay.


People hear what they will,
But they touch what they kill,
And I wish that my love
Would stay.


I see people wanting to love,
And these people can't seem to love,
But I know that they're filled with love,
But no one loves them,
No one sees them.


Candles light the way of spring,
Children trying to do their thing,
Why is life so cruel to me,
It's only a dream to see.


Yes, why is life so cruel to me,
There are no answers,
Because I can't see.


There is not anyone who
can tell me a thing.


There are no answers,
because I can't see.


No one to tell me anything.


No answers,
because I can't see.


No one to tell me anything.

Return to Civilization, 1975

Four years ago, or maybe
 one, the last or just a
  postponement occurred in
   a church, or was it a bank.


The mood changed at 12,
 or was it 9, or maybe 11,
  but whenever it was it
   happened and smiles were
    followed by waves.


And families all agree that
 people are perfect--you see,
  or just very talented individuals.


The earth opened and we fell in,
 and it immediately closed up,
  And I wished that we
   could have looked-up more.

Remember When..., 1970

I thought the people would be backwoods,
I didn't think that they could be good,
But how wrong could I be?
Because there was something that I didn't foresee.


The people I met were filled with cheer,
And they seemed to be sincere,
I finally met some people that understood me,
And my life was filled with a jubilee.


There was she and he and him and her,
Of those I met, there were a few I preferred,
In six months time I've become well liked,
From the adults to the little tykes.


My friends are not as old as I,
I was once very shy,
Now I have these people to talk to,
This is all very true.


I went to many places,
With all those nice faces,
I'm glad I got with those people,
Under the tall steeple.

A Reflection on Now (July 1, 1973)

 In a few days, I will leave the U. S. for 21 days to go to Europe.  I reflect on possibilities--plane crash, hijack, train wreck, boat sinks, disease, war, car accident, or anything that could cut my trip short.  If by chance something should happen, always get words written by me that are contained in the box of works to see why I go now.  Peace!

A Recipe, 1981

 What do you get if you mix 37 "mature" adults, 60 children, a plate of Polish sausage, a fire hydrant, 12 gallons of paint, and a lot of prayer?  You get PHILADELPHIA!
 The mission trip to Philadelphia during the first week in August means different things to everybody who went, but there were some things that are almost universal.
 It was Dave Pritchard singing the "Lord's Army" song at the puppet show.  It was Marcia Smith's kids zonked out after doing the slide.  It was a cut-throat game of kickball...sorry Cathy D.  It was a little hike that four people did coming back from a ball game...what did that policeman say, Kaye?  It was the third grade cheer...one more time, Ron.  It was the mental dexterity displayed by Jennie Rivers, John Swindler, and Kitten McGregor, while they tried to work with the fourth grade and remain sane.  It was Henry, Cindy, and Abby playing choo-choo train with the pre-schoolers.  It was George Smith learning how to use a camera and doing all the sites in an hour's time.  It was the natural ability seen by Johnny Kinsey and Wayne Catoe in teaching the Bible.  It was Myron Broadwell's travelogues...who did you say sculpted those light poles?  It was Neal Knighton's sense of direction and his historical trivia questions.  It was Jim Schmid's patience with those of us, who had never picked up a hammer before.  It was Jan Butler, who was a real trooper, despite her eye...hope it gets better.  It was all of the craft people, who made the things for the kids, and finding them later torn up on the street.  It was the puppet people, who had to endure five shows a day, including a Day Camp, who came from another part of the park...but it was worth it.  It was James Staggs eating 20 (count 'em) pieces of chicken at Amish country and lived to tell about it.  It was Ben Wyman laughing at EVERYTHING.  It was "Miss Myrl" telling the fifth grade to be quiet.  It was Jennie looking like a Martian after paint day, but who cared with the open fire hydrant?  It was Joanne's and Patty's level heads, when all around was chaos.  It was everybody else not mentioned specifically, who added to the fun.
 It was also the children, which is why we went.  The first day, we had 60 children to contend with, which was many more than we dreamed would be there.  They captured our hearts and our love.  To see kids begging Johnny if they could be next in riding on his shoulders, and to see them waiting at the door of the church to go to the park...we saw why we were there.  It was for Richard and Peter and Marva and Carol and Mike and Abraham and Veronica and Justin and Zoom and every other child who was touched and who touched us.
 The high point for many people happened Wednesday night.  During the church's prayer meeting, we had been asked to provide the music for the program.  Listening outside of the church, unknown to us, there was a little girl.  After the service was over, a knock came from the door.  It was the girl.  She wanted to know if the music was over.  So, John Swindler sang a song especially for her.  There wasn't a dry eye in the crowd.  The child had taught us something, and it continues with us today.  The lesson we learned was to never take anything for granted, whether it be friends or what.
 There is so much else that could be put into this recipe of fun and reflection, such as the owner of the deli next to the church.  He was named Chester, and he helped us out a lot.  There was Diane, who was the missionary for the trip.  There were the two summer missionaries.  But, most of all, there was prayer.  Prayer from FBC and from each other.  Thanks for that.  God blessed us in Philadelphia, and will continue to in the future.

Rebel

 I'm a typical rebel.  I rebel against my kids by telling them not to smoke, but I do.  I rebel against my wife by telling her that I love her, but I don't.  All together, I'm a pretty sorry guy, and loving it.

Psychoanalytic Note, 1977

 What has happened to the Communist sympathizer of the early 1970's?  He used to be able to say that he would go to jail for peace.  He fought for the rights of his fellow man.  He set up a group of people to support human rights.  That group flourished for about six years, under two different names.  He took criticism from other people, who called him every derogatory name in the book.  He was investigated by his government for wrong doings.  He tried to get into intelligence work, but they thought he had a too subversive past to be in government work.  He was shunned by his peers for being too radical.  He was called by some fundamental Christians as being atheistic.  He was called by other people as a do-gooder.  He didn't understand why they treated him badly, when he was trying to do good.
 Now, he's concerned with himself.  His heart is cold.  He doesn't care very much for others.  Murders and other violent acts do not affect his sense of values.  His idea of human rights is what is right for him.  All forms of idealism has gone to schizophrenic realism.  He doesn't feel, see, or hear.  He only exists.  He could care, but life has made him apathetic.  And so it goes...

Psycho, 1973

If it weren't for happiness,
I would be on the ground,
And the world would stop
In touch with reality.


My vision of oneness
Has thrown itself down,
My life is not of one,
But several parts of fun.


Oh why, why must
My life be this way?
All dreams, all visions,
All fantasies in my mind.


Oh where is my life?
And where is my hope?
And where is my truth?
I left it with love.

Protest, 1974

And we fight the life
 that we see the sights
  and we fight for peace
   and die anyway.


Why not?

A Proposal in the Mail, 1979

I don't know where I'm going,
I don't know where I've been,
I don't know if I'll get there,
Or how or why or not.


But I know that I'm here,
And I know you're there,
And I know we're not together,
And probably never will be.


I don't know what I've done,
I don't know what I'll do,
But I know that I love you,
And I wish you were here.

A Profile of Myself as Related to Now, 1973

Born--New Orleans, La.  June 17, 1953
Lived in New Orleans until November, 1958
Moved to Columbia, S. C.--1958
Educated in Public Schools
Attended Anderson College
Member of Delta Psi Omega, Who's Who in American Jr. Colleges, Denmark
Society, Drama Award--1972, many other things
Attends Presbyterian College
Neurotic
Psychotic
Sick
Peace.

Problem & Solution, 1973

Where oh where did my little cow go,
Oh where oh where could she be,
She left this morning and so,
We won't have any milk, you see?


Happiness only comes in life,
So kill a cow
              now,
And call your neighborhood farmer by
Answering the Lost and Found department.

The Problem, 1970

People have problems everyday,
There are problems in every possible way,
Some problems last the whole day through,
These problems make people very blue.


But all in all, these problems aren't as bad,
As the one that makes me sad,
The problem is that I am here,
And I am filled with fear.


I count the days until the time,
When everyone spends their nickels and dimes,
I hope the world will be good to me,
And let me be free.